A Whiff of Nostalgia

As a kid, some of us tend to focus mostly on what they never had -- whether it’d be a toy or getting to hang out with friends at the park. That’s how it happens. That’s how kids start up by wishing that they were adults because by being an adult we are free to do whatever we please. Amelia was, unfortunately, one of those kids.

 

Oh...how she spent her autumn afternoons wiping down counters while her mind drifted to the good old days. While she was collecting muffin crumbs with a dingy rag she recalled running across a grass field, playing tag at recess. The thrill of the chase had always excited her as a kid. As an adult, she could barely climb the stairs after getting off the train. While Amelia collected coffee stained mugs and wasted croissants from vacant tables, she found that her mind would drift again. It would drift backwards to all the belly grabbing laughs she shared with her friends as they prank called neighbors in the middle of the night.

 

It's quite funny how as a kid she always looked forward to the future. But old habits do change over the course of time. Amelia would spend her time alone recalling her childhood, and while doing so she could feel a gnawing in her chest. As if she were watching her kid-self play outside while her adult-self was forced to stay in. One can never truly escape from the cruel cycle of what if.

 

“Amelia,” called Kai, her shift manager. She glanced away from the cafe window at the man standing at the register. Her dark eyes caught the glint of the sun that reflected off the glass bakery case.

 

“Yeah?” replied Amelia.

 

“What are you thinking about that has you slacking on the dishes,” asked Kai.

Amelia sighed, turning back to the clear window, she looked out at the people whose lives passed her by. Did all the other adults in the world wish to relive their childhood too? What was the point of having memories when one is expected to abandon them? Amelia joined Kai behind the counter, and for a

moment the man noticed a wink of curiosity in her eyes.

 

“What is one childhood memory that you’d relive if given the chance,” asked Amelia. The question was like a sack filled with river stones. It was heavy with memories, and like a river rock, not all of them were the same. Kai glanced down at his scuffed sneakers while he turned the question over in his mind.

He lifted his chin to look Amelia in her doe-like eyes. A smile - the kind of smile that stemmed from adoration - faded in across his scruffy face.

 

“There is one...” Kai said, quietly. He turned his body towards the back of the cafe and crossed his arms over his chest. The squeeze of his overlapping arms wrinkled his peach, plaid printed shirt -- he didn’t mind.

 

Kai recalled a memory that he had cherished since he was a kid. He recalled a particular Sunday morning with his mother. The woman adored her maple scented candles, especially the ones that could be found at Yankee Candle.

Yankee Candle would open their shop up early one Sunday morning to welcome their customers in, so they could get dibs on the fall scents. Autumn was his mother’s favorite holiday, and a favorite of Kai. When he was a kid he dreaded going and having to stand outside the candle shop until they opened.

Having to shuffle around the cluttered space without breaking a jar was anxiety-inducing, but he did it for his mother. He did it because he knew how much it meant to her.

 

“I miss waking up early and grabbing coffee with my mom just to wait thirty minutes outside of a Yankee Candle store,” explained Kai. “It's been years since her and I went back there together.”

 

“Why haven’t you,” wondered Amelia.

 

“Well...I left home for college. I became so busy with school and work that the tradition just...died.”

 

Kai shrugged.

 

“Would you relive the memory if you had the chance too?” asked Amelia.

 

Kai shook his head. “I’d like to say yes...but no.”

 

Amelia furrowed her brow at her shift manager and asked, “Why?”

 

“If I were to relive every memory I have, how could I possibly appreciate each one? Not being able to relive the past has taught me to appreciate the little moments I share with others.” He told Amelia. “The memory of visiting Yankee Candle with my mom has made me love and appreciate her more now as an adult. There’s nothing about the past I’d want to change, Amelia.”

 

Amelia swept her eyes onto her hands and listened to Kai continue with his thoughts.

 

He said, “Reminiscing about the past teaches us to cherish the present. The present matters most because the time that you are given now will determine the future.”

 

“You’re quite wise, Kai.” Amelia smiled at the man. “I would always ask myself what if I changed the past, would anything be different now? Instead, I should ask how often do moments such as this cross my path?”

 

Kai chuckled, warmly, in response. “See? You’re getting it now.” He then gestured at the tray of dishes that Amelia had left on the table. “Now, go and take those mugs to the back.”